Yeeesh!
Much of today was spent doing one of my least favorite activities on the planet: shopping for insurance. I can't tell you how much I loathe this exercise. (But let me try.) I have been one of those many "uninsured individuals" for the last year not because I couldn't afford insurance, but because I would rather do almost anything else instead. My life has been an act of procrastination against shopping for health insurance.
There's really nothing redeeming to say about the exercise. Health insurance companies make an art out of figuring out how to keep from paying out a penny while hiding their policy among fine print. (Okay, my Oxford Health policy in New York actually paid claims without my having to contact the state insurance commission every claim like was my experience with other companies. Then again, I swear my premiums were going up about 30% every year!)
Then there's the "health screening interview" process where they figure out how many special exclusions they can create. I had one interviewer asking me the last time I took Rolaids as "treatment" or the name and address and phone for every doctor I'd seen in the last five years plus the exact date of every visit.
Had I ever had my cholesterol checked? Well, sure, during a routine blood panel for a routine check-up. No leading-question there. Am I going to see riders on my policy denying coverage of heart attacks because I had a routine check-up?
Then there are the insurance agents. Asking for quotes is equivalent to inviting a hoard of salespeople into my home. (I work really hard to keep my phone number on all active do-not-call lists, so this sudden invitation of solicitation feels like a real invasion.) They want to tell me how much I'm going to simply throw money away if I go with the other agent. They spin that "used car salesman" fast-pitch that makes me want to vomit rather than leaving me facts and allowing me to shop with a the quiet, patient analysis of facts that I prefer.
Finally, there's the neat trick where you can't actually get an approval and a final quote until you've already applied, given them your checking account (or credit card) number and authorized the first payments. If you want to compare final bids and final contracts (with whichever riders they are going to tack on) you are forced to apply, compare, and optionally cancel again in the initial 10-day window.
Please, just take a red-hot poker, drive it through my eye-socket and rip my brain out my skull. Wait, does my new policy cover that? They'd better cover mental health because this process is seriously driving me crazy!
Posted by Murray Todd Williams at March 31, 2005 11:52 PM